I stay
by Linemie
Summary: Because 'If I Stay' has a rather abrupt ending I wrote a sequel on how it -in my mind- would end and...continue? I wrote this without reading a word of the actual sequel. Hope you like it :)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer I don't own If I Stay, Gayle Forman does and I don't own the characters either, again Gayle Forman does**

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It's the first time today I can truly hear him.  
"Mia?" he asks.

I start to cough. The tube in my mouth is still breathing for me, but I now want to breathe for myself.  
"Mia, Mia honey is everything alright?" Adam says worried.

A nurse hurries over to me and starts removing the tube that gives me my breath and she also takes the tape off that shuts my eyes. As soon as the tube and the tape is gone I can finally breathe again and I can finally see again as well. I take a deep breath and oxygen runs through my body. Adam is staring at me in disbelieve. His eyes are still big and red of the tears, but he's handsome like always.  
"Mia", he asks again. I give him a little smile while his tears are falling down his cheeks.  
"Oh Mia, I thought you were gone, I'm so glad you finally wake up, you're here", He is trying to hug me, to take me into his arms, but all the tubes on me make it a little bit difficult. Eventually he just gives me a soft kiss on my forehead, probably the only place on my whole body that isn't filled with tubes. The nurse checks out all the tubes on my body and the computer prints of my vital signs.

I feel so tired. It feels as if I haven't have any sleep the past few days.  
The nurse is done checking me and tells Adam to leave, because I need rest. He kisses me one more time and whispers: "I love you, I will see you later and I'm so glad you stay", then he walks out of the ICU.

While doctors are checking me to see if I'm okay I think of what Adam has said. 'I'm so glad you stay' But is it the right choice for me? I know everyone wants me to stay but they also think it is okay for me if I want to go.  
I stay and I don't really know if it's a good choice or not.

How can I live without Mum, Dad and Teddy?  
How can I leave Adam, Kim, Gran and Gramps behind?  
If I stay or if I go, it both has its goods and bads.

But I stay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Because of those two lovely reviews you gave me :)**

**I have now read part of the sequel and have watched the movie, which is as heartbreaking as the book. Still I have my own vision of how the story would continue.**

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It still took me a while to truly wake up, and still a long time of revalidation. But I did it, I stayed. I stay

Everyone was so happy when I could leave the hospital and the revalidation center.

The funeral was a hell. Mom, Dad and Teddy. It was only then I realized it was all real, that they were really gone and wouldn't come back to me. Gran and Gramps drove me home, no not home. There was no home anymore, no place I could go to. After two months I would be going to New York, to Juilliard. Till then I would be living with Gran and Gramps. Their house was a cosy place and I liked to be there. Gramps made me a room and when I entered it- in the middle of the room it was standing. My cello. I couldn't do anything else than walk toward it and started to play the first piece that came into my head. Beethoven. I played, I played and I played. I felt the music through my whole body. My fingers fast over the strings of the instrument. I didn't notice someone coming into my room.

"Hi", he said.

"Hi", I replied.

"I see you are playing", Adam sat down on the bed against the light-purple coloured wall, "Please go on, I didn't want to disturb your playing."

He looked at me while I was playing, like he had done a million times before, but this time it got me out of my concentration. I put away my cello and stared at my feet. There was silence for a long moment. Suddenly Adam got up and walked out of the room. I heard his footsteps on the stairs. A great sigh left from me. Then a huge pain welled up in my chest and tears came up.

A week before I had to depart to New York, Adam stood at the door again. I came home from the grocery's to do some shopping for Gran and he was just standing there, leaning against the wall and absolutely doing nothing. He looked at me when I opened the front door. He didn't smile, he didn't grin, he was just looking. When I put away my shopping bags and went upstairs to my room, Adam followed me.

"You are going to Juilliard", he suddenly broke the silence, "Next week." I looked at him and nodded. Again there was a long moment of silence.

"Mia", his voice was soft, full of kindness and sweetness. The way he had spoken my name so many times, but there now was some kind of pain in it.

"I'm going to ask you a question and you only have to answer with yes or no, you understand that?"

"What-"

"You understand that?" he interrupted me. I silently nodded.

"Do you want me to stay or do I have to go? Do you still want me around you?"

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**I know I have left you waiting too long for this update, but I really do hope you like it.**

**I promise an update as soon as I can! How do you think it will continue?**


	3. Chapter 3

**I didn't expect to write more, but as long as you keep enjoying reading I will keep enjoying writing**

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"Do you want me to stay or do I have to go? Do you still want me around you?"

Does he really ask me that? Of course I want him around me! No, maybe… I don't know. Everything seems so difficult. I know how hard it feels to stay. I stay. Though that doesn't mean Adam has to stay too. Maybe it is easier for him to just let go, it would've been easier for me if I would've let go. But I stay. And Adam? I don't want to make such a difficult decision once more. If he goes, I can totally erase everything that happened. I can make a new start, in New York, in Juilliard. If he stays, I will eventually lose him when moving to New York, will I handle that? Losing someone once more? But isn't Adam the reason I stay? My thoughts are going every direction. Adam sighs.

"Listen, Mia," he says, "I understand it if you don't want me near you anymore, that's okay. I only want you to be fine."

"You want me to be fine," I say thoughtful, "What do you want? You don't have to think about me, Adam, right now you have to think of yourself." I start to become a little bit mad.

"I don't know what I want."

"I don't know it either."

And that moment, that moment is the moment Adam leans forward and presses his lips against mine. I haven't feel this for so long, I only notice now how hard I actually have missed him. His voice, his lips, his presence, just everything about him makes me want his love. I am now sure that I don't want him to go, I want him to stay, just like I do.

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**It's very short, I know. ****I promise an update!**


	4. Chapter 4

**SPOILER: final chapter, happy** **ending**

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The day I am packing my stuff Adam is suddenly standing in my room.

"Hi", he says.

"Hi", I respond.

"Ready for New York?" he asks. I smile my biggest smile. Oh, yes I am ready for it.

Adam kissed me a few days before, since then everything feels different. It feels as if I am living again.

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After their concert the band goes to a club to celebrate their performance at Time Square. Adam's band is doing so good in New York!

"How are things going at Juilliard?" Adam asks me, playing with my hair. When the band went off to a club, Adam invited me to come over to his apartment. We haven't seen each other for a while. I understand that because Adam is busy with his band after getting a label in New York and I want to do good at Juilliard. But we still find time to hang out together.

From all things that happened I wouldn't have expected this to happen.

A few days before I would go to New York, Adam suddenly rushed into the house. I had never seen him like that, so excited. The band got a record contract, they would be breaking in New York!

"I'm going to New York," he had said, "with you."

Isn't that how we hoped it would end? Adam and I both in New York, he with his band and I at Juilliard, but still together. Just like I wanted it. Together. Because Adam will always understand my choices.

So eventually I do get my happily ever after.

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This seems to be it... This story turned out different than I thought :D but I hope you enjoyed it!

Don't hold back to follow/favorite and leave a review to tell me what you think of my ending. **Love you all and stay strong** ㈎9㈎9


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